what day am i on? where am i? who am I?

Ahhh, I should have written this yesterday but i was very busy. I am a part time secondary teacher when I'm not cooking, cleaning, washing , looking after poorly parents, distracted husband and three children. Yesterday was EXAM day. All day locked in a darkened studio with 21 over excited drama students. I know that this can mean binging on sugar, so I prepared, took a salad, some SW bars and fruit to work. I also made sure I had drinks, a huge bottle of water, some sugar free squash and a diet coke. The lights are on, the adrenaline is pumping - I get dehydrated.

I had a cup of tea for breakfast, i had a cup of tea at break and i ate a packet of Sunbites- they appear to be a healthier option to normal crisps, they probably aren't.

I did try to drink enough but I was rushed. I tried to eat , I think I managed a strawberry and a few grapes. I did look at my salad but decided that although chicken and pasta is allowed the mustard and mayo dressing it was swimming in probably wasn't good and the smell was so overpowering it made me nauseus. I ignored the chocolates and muffins I'd bought for the kids to munch on at break time.

So when I finally escaped my cell at around about 5.15. Disorientated and having not heard anything about the world outside since 7.30.a.m. I looked at my packed lunch. I decided i could risk the Maltesers. I ate a few more grapes, I drank the diet coke and some more squash. I ate a banana and the SW bars ( 2 for healthy choice B). I ignored the pasta monster that the heat had got to by now and it was starting to pulsate.

When I got home husband was busy and hungry and ordered pizza. It would have been easy to say yes to it. but instead i cooked the chicken legs, made a chickpea curry with the aid of a curry paste ( 2 syns for the whole thing) and  pilau rice ( microwave pouch so it has some syn value) I made a A Fake Away as my SW leader calls them.

I didn't drink alcohol because I was too tired and I thought I still needed to hydrate, I had a cup of tea , nibbled a bit of Easter egg ( for strength) and went to bed.

I didn't write every thing down, I may have gone over my quota, but i did not lose it entirely and for the busiest , hardest day of my working year this is a first I think and could be counted as a triumph. I'm counting it as one anyway.... now the long may bank holiday weekend looms...

Today my dad was ill and as i dashed off to go to his house I remembered he eats white bread and low fat is not in his vocabulary.

I picked up a pre packed pasta salad which turned out to be full of fats.
He was in a bad way so i bought him chips for lunch and i had some too. I have eaten all the syns for the week today. It was a bad day but i don't feel bad. I know tomorrow will be better and i will stick to plan. I'm in this for the long run.

And the Slimmer of the week is....

Me!

I think it may have been a fix or just a big incentive to make me stay to class next week. I should also have been teacher's pet. It was a taster session and I had taken meringue nests with fat free yogurt topping and berries - yum! I listened avidly to everyone's comments, I laughed at the risqué jokes and jotted down ideas for recipes. I tried to leave early but was told to stay put as the "surprise" announcement was made. Everyone else had their hands full as they were selecting food stuffs to sample, but they managed a round of hearty applause and I ended up with a carrier bag full of fruit to bring home and a lovely warm glow.

So bring on the next week, I am not frightened of bank holiday weekend picnics or family meals. Everyone will be eating recipes from my plan and as they are generally really tasty and good for you, I don't think they will complain.

I lost 21/2 lbs since last Tuesday and I only started concentrating on Saturday. If I do that every week before the summer holidays I would be nearly two stone lighter. That would look nice on my holiday photos.

This journal may seem banal, you may wonder why I can't just jolly well pull my socks up and stop eating rubbish. Well I have reasoned thusly too and I have tried it and I have failed again and again and again. So I am sticking to THE PLAN.  I have three little girls who I'd like to see grow into healthy, happy women with families of their own( if that's what they want) I want to argue with them when they are teenagers because they steal my clothes, I want to be able to run around the beach or the park with them and I want to show them that not all the women in our family give up at forty and turn into stout old ladies who complain about their back and their ankles. I never want to speak to them about calories and grams of fat. I do not want them to grow up with a mother who is ALWAYS on a diet. This is not a diet, this is a plan, a plan to get the life I want to have. I do not want to be skinny, I am a buxom, country lass and I like my curves, but I'd like them more 1950s hour glass and not quite so Beryl Cook

Day three : hi ho hi ho its off to work I go

So back to work today, but it was an inset day so I wasn't too rush this morning and made myself  bacon ( without rind free food) sandwich ( 60g brown roll; healthy extra B) and a larger than intended dollop of brown sauce ( 2 syns...probably)

 

I had prepared my own lunch even though they provide us with one on these days. I ignored my tuna pasta salad and ventured into the canteen for hot food as the building was FREEZING and I was sitting down all day being talked at in an effort to make me and my colleagues "good" at or jobs. The only hot food I could eat on my plan was a jacket potato and baked beans, I accompanied it with some wilting lettuce and cucumber. It needed a kick, so I added red onion which has repeated on me ever since. I’m a bit worried the coleslaw wasn’t fat free but it can’t be too bad, I only had a desert spoonful as by then the vegetarians had arrived and the dinner staff were trying to tempt them with fish cakes.

The 4-5 O’clock is my danger time. I come home from work and let the children snack, I am trapped in the kitchen which is an elephant’s grave yard of Easter bunnies and eggs at present. I have NO will power and a cup of tea, which needs chocolate or biscuits to make it a proper cuppa.  Then I remember, I had been experimenting with fat free puddings yesterday, after miserably watching my family devour rhubarb crumble and custard, whilst I munched through an over ripe banana.

Syn free, sugar free trifle! Oh yes in a posh glass to make me feel special too. Sugar free strawberry jelly, Muller light banana and custard yoghurt, topped with fat free fromage frais sweetened with artificial sweetner. It was sweet and it was filling. I do not have space for or inclination to eat chocolate eggs. Yay! Small triumphs like this one mean a lot, I will share this at my meeting tomorrow and get a modest round of applause. But when I tell them I made lemon drizzle cake yesterday and didn’t lick the bowl, I am expecting fanfares and drum rolls…

Day2: In Search of Quark

What is Quark? Apparently it’s a soft cheese without any fat at all. I’m not sure how it can still be a cheese, I thought all cheese was, was fat! However I know I can add other stuff to it to flavour it and sweeten it.

I have bought it before and quite often find it in the back of the fridge out of date. I have cooked with it before and although the dessert was quite nice it didn’t quite have the same kick as jam roly poly, say.

So I am about to go out and buy some, unfortunately the cheaper supermarkets don’t stock it so I have to go further afield. Quite often the expensive supermarkets don’t stock it either.

I am also trying to experiment with drinks, I don’t HAVE to drink alcohol every evening but I am trying to concoct cocktail style soft drinks. For lunch today I made cottage pie - extra lean minced beef and mash potato without butter or cheese topping – still tasty and very filling. I accompanied it with low calorie tonic water and a splash of sugar free blackcurrant, loads of ice and slices of lemon and lime. If I’d had some suitable shrubbery and an umbrella, I’d have added them too!

I also need to buy some ginger and various curry pastes and herbs. Really, eating healthily is a bit expensive at the outset and what really annoys me is skinny-ribs husband and teeny-weeny, girl children keep eating my fat free yoghurts and drinking my diet coke. I bet they don’t  touch the quark, though!

Day one ...again

So here I am again, wondering why my weight is  half a  pound more than when I started slimming in January. Well not wondering, knowing full well. Whichever PLAN ( not a diet) you choose you need to  stick to it  in order for it to work.

You may get support and a round of applause if you lose but just turning up to get weighed does not mean you will lose weight.

Anyway, I was waiting for something to happen to finally spur me on to weight loss and I think it happened earlier today. I was walking up the hall way in my mother's bungalow at the end of which hangs a full length mirror. I was wearing a large white top with horizontal stripes, a pair of skinny jeans and ballet pumps. I carry my weight on top, my legs are still quite slim, it struck me that if I put a bald wig on I could audition for the Gru character from Despicable Me ( see above)

 

So here I am at the end of the day, feeling very please with myself, because I have weighed my portions and measured my alcohol intake. I have not eaten any part of my children's 1,000,000 Easter Eggs. I have written down everything I have eaten and drank.

 

It is time consuming and boring but I know that if I stick to it I will lose weight. I lost weight on Weight Watchers after my second child, but then looked s good I got pregnant again. That THIRD pregnancy has a lot to account for . I ballooned although I was so sick I could  hardly eat, my stomach grew so enormous my belly button which has always, always been an inny became an outie and has never recovered. My stomach muscles are non existent and after two C sections, my abdomen still looks a few months pregnant, with a weird over hang above the scar. I am not yet old enough for people not to ask me if I am expecting on days I wear less than flattering clothing (half my wardrobe.) I go on holiday in Devon and North Wales, so I am not worried about looking good in a bikini, but I would like to look less like a beached whale on Criccieth's shingle beach.

 

Now there may be someone who reads this or a blog like it who has no sympathy. Stop eating, get off your backside and exercise. You have more time to read about the struggles of someone addicted to smoking, alcohol, drugs or sex than someone who just eats more cake than is strictly necessary. 

 

So back to the books, back to counting syns and eating fat free everything. This time however I will win and I will go to every weigh in session and I'll write a short piece on this blog every day. If anyone reads it, please leave a comment or a smile or something. Let me know that I'm not alone.